Toxic flatmates can seriously impact your enjoyment and comfort when living in student accommodation. Someone else’s negative behaviour can make things really difficult, especially when dealing with it in your own home. Unfortunately, it is a really common issue and you might need to take a proactive approach to recognise those toxic behaviours while also protecting your own mental wellbeing. So here are some ways of managing a toxic flatmate and who to improve your living conditions.

1) Recognising toxic behaviours
Being aware of the common signs of toxicity can help you identify a toxic flatmate. These signs could include constant complaining without working towards a resolution, gossiping about other flatmates, disrespectful behaviour towards others, lack of accountability and constant conflict. Ensure that you don’t engage and get sucked into these sort of behaviours – when seeing it around you, it’s very easy to join in!

2) Open communication
Establish some clear lines of open communication. The raising of complaints about issues does not necessarily mean the person is behaving toxically if those complaints are raised correctly. A healthy flat would include a safe space where people can raise concerns that they might have. This is not normally within a messaging group chat and is normally much healthier when done in person!

3) Addressing issues
If a flatmate starts to exhibit toxic behaviour, you may wish to address this directly with them. It is important for you to be fully clear of what you have an issue with and it can be helpful to document examples of the behaviour so that you can be specific. When addressing this with your flatmate, focus on the impact that the behaviour had on you, rather than the behaviour itself. For example; “On Thursday, when you complained about our other flatmate for half an hour, it made me feel really uncomfortable. While I understand your frustration, the length of time for which you complained felt like a bit of a waste as nothing productive came of it. I felt really upset then when I faced the other flatmate, knowing you were upset and having to pretend everything was ok. Do you think there is a better way of discussing these concerns in future?”

4) Set boundaries
It is important that you set boundaries with toxic flatmates – if you are uncomfortable with them speaking to you about certain matter, you must make this clear with them and stick to it! If you allow them to moan to you one day, they are going to be confused about why it bothers you the next.

5) Look after your own mental health
Being in an environment with someone toxic, especially in our own home can be really draining. Sometimes, we have to learn how to cope in that environment as the person in question does not want to change their behaviour. This can be frustrating, especially when you are trapped with the person for a whole year until the end of your tenancy. However, using self-care techniques and seeking appropriate support can prevent someone else’s behaviour from effecting us. It takes practice and it doesn’t happen overnight, but it is definitely a skill worth learning!

6) Seeking help
Recognise with the situation is beyond your control and seek help from your Tenancy Support and Wellbeing Coordinator. They might be able to provide you with additional support, whether through guidance on self-care, mediation with the toxic flatmate or recommendations of other avenues of support. If the toxic flatmate’s behaviour breaches your universities Code of Behaviour or Code of Conduct, they might be able to provide even more support! If the behaviour constitutes bullying or harassment, the Tenancy Support and Wellbeing Coordinator might refer you to Unipol’s Anti-Bullying and Harassment Procedure. While we generally find that many instances of toxic behaviour is better dealt with directly, we also recognise that sometimes it goes beyond that and you might need some additional support. If this is the case, get in touch with Tenancy Support on tenancysupport@unipol.org.uk or use this form.